Two from ScrappleFace

ScrappleFace (by Scott Ott) is a comedy, fake news site. Here are excerpts from a couple of recent posts that tickled our fancy.
Annan: Suicide Bombers Deserve Prison:

"(2005-03-20) -- In his first major move against world terrorism, United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan is prepared to propose that suicide bombers face lengthy jail terms, along with other sweeping reforms designed to restore the organization's tarnished image.

'If you blow yourself up and kill innocent civilians, my plan calls for 10-to-20 years in a medium-security prison,' said Mr. Annan. 'This sends a message that civilized nations have limited patience, and virtually no tolerance, for terrorism.'"

Right-to-Starve Added to Feminism's Victories

(2005-03-19) -- The National Organization for Women (NOW) today held a jubilant news conference to celebrate the latest advance in women's rights -- the right to have your estranged husband choose to end your life.

"First, it was women's suffrage -- the right to vote -- then abortion, the right to privacy," said an unnamed NOW spokesman. "Finally, a man has led the way in freeing us from the antiquated bigotry that has kept our former husbands from choosing a slow, painful death for us."

The NOW source said the court-ordered removal of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, based on the testimony of Michael Schiavo alone has "opened a world of opportunities for women to freely die at the hands of the men they love."

Plenty more where those came from.

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