Monday, April 24, 2006

Iran Nukes Holland. European Leaders Warn Against US Overreaction

European leaders appealed to the US not to "inflame the situation" after an Iranian nuclear bomb was exploded in Amsterdam today. President Bush condemned the bombing and promised a swift response. French President Jacques Chirac called for an immediate meeting of the UN Security Council to condemn any American use of force.

Secretary General Kofi Annan appealed for calm, "It's critical that all parties exercise restraint, so that the crisis can be defused."

A spokesman for Russian President Putin added, "Any retaliation would just make the Iranians harden their position and drive them away from negotiations." The Russians are said to be working on a proposal to supply Iran with long range missiles in exchange for the elimination of Iran's own missile development program.

It appears the attack was meant to be in retaliation for last year's publication in a Danish newspaper of cartoons satirizing Mohammed. Instead the attack hit Holland, when the Iranian Supreme Ayatollah became confused about the difference between Dutch and Danish.

A highly placed EU official, speaking on condition of anonymity, expressed shock at the attack, "We really thought they'd hit Israel first, so naturally we weren't all that concerned. We knew the Israelis would take out Iran in response, essentially solving the problem for us. Now those Jews and the Americans have screwed us again."

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad apologized profusely for the mistake and indicated flexibility and a desire for reconciliation. "Death to all the Zionist Crusader nations," he said. He also denied that the Israeli promise to "turn Mecca into a 100-mile wide crater" if attacked, had anything to do with the decision to attack Denmark/Holland instead of Israel.

The Dutch government could not be reached for comment.

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